holy cow! remember our old friend free advice? (for those of you who are new to this, and it has been a while, i basically am a crass dear abby.) well… i think it’s time to make a comeback. for the past few months i kept thinking, “i need to write some more free advice…” but i didn’t do it. now i am. it’s amazing. so let’s get going abby…

DEAR [KENDRA]: My husband and I recently watched a comedy that featured men cross-dressing. Ever since, I have had a burning desire to have my husband wear sexy lingerie and makeup.

There is nothing effeminate about him, but I can’t get this out of my head. I bought him a lacy bra and panty set, garter belt and stockings, but I haven’t had the nerve to ask him to wear them. Am I crazy? Should I try to forget this? — BURNING DESIRE IN NAHANT, MASS.

dear burning desire,

you are not crazy. you should delicately broach the subject with your husband. i wouldn’t suggest immediately whipping out the lacy bra and panties for him, but you should let him know you’ve been thinking about it. hopefully he will respect you enough not to freak out and actually discuss it. who knows, maybe he’s been having similar urges? (what if he already has his own set?) point is, relationships call for this sort of honesty and intimacy. you need to talk about it. good luck.

i hope this helps.

DEAR [KENDRA]: I have been in a relationship with “John” for the past seven years. I live down south, while John lives up north. John is 76 and does not plan to retire, even though he doesn’t have to work. I am 65 and need to work.

Is it possible for this long-distance relationship to survive? Part of me wishes we would end it so we could start over with someone who lives in the same city. I’m tired of living this way, but cannot seem to make the break. What should I do? — SOUTHERN BELLE

dear southern belle,

dude. seriously… put your foot down or just deal with it. seven years is a long time. longer than lots of marriages. relationships are about compromise, and it sounds like you and john either need to do it or split. harsh? nah. reality sucks like that. would it be possible for you to get another job or transfer to his city? if not, is it possible for him to move to yours? does he even know you’re frustrated about this? talk to him, see what he says. if he’s not willing to relocate, i think it’s time to find a new fellow closer to home. (insert cliché about southern gentlemen here.)

i hope this helps.

DEAR [KENDRA]: Our family, consisting of our three children, their spouses, our grandchildren and great-grandchildren, have occasional gatherings to celebrate special events. My husband’s 90th birthday is this summer, and the immediate family will come here, some from faraway locations.

My daughter-in-law, “Janie,” who lives 2,000 miles away, has felt for years that her children from previous marriages (who do not know any of us) should be included at these events. They live within 100 miles of our home and could attend if invited. Our relationship with Janie has been generally cordial and affectionate. She will be visiting her children at their homes the week of the birthday. If we exclude her kids from our celebration, she will feel insulted and resentful.

How obligated should we feel to bow to Janie’s demands and include four additional adults and a young child to our party? My husband becomes upset and confused by large groups and noisy children. — CORNERED ON THE EASTERN SHORE

dear cornered,

is janie really demanding anything or are you being overly sensitive and trying to play the victim card? sorry, but your whole tone seems really uptight. if you don’t want janie’s children there, then just fess up and tell her that. don’t use your husband as an excuse, just be honest.

if the party roster is really just family, close family, then janie might resent it but you will be in the right. explain it to her and if she gets upset, then maybe drop the “grandpa gets confused” excuse. but if you plan on a big group and this is just something against janie, then you’re just being unfair. (or am i being unfair to you? probably both.) janie probably wants to see her kids, and assumes that family is family. you guys just have different definitions of family.

i hope this helps.