let’s get ready for the weekend! i’m already there, mentally. my agenda for this weekend: play wii, do homework, laze about, try to get somebody to hang out with me, and rock rock rock! i’m already kicking it off with a playlist of denery/imlay/denery bands- i’m still thinking about the ultimate question, and i think the hi-fives are still winning. larry, i’m sorry but i can’t take your argument too seriously because you’re not a groupie and you’ve mocked my proclamations that sweet baby is the best band ever. (seriously, op ivy is not as good and don’t deny it!)
sorry, this isn’t supposed to be another rant about how much i love the hi-fives or how much my adolescence was shaped by john and dallas denery in odd ways, it’s supposed to be another vain attempt at being an agony aunt. so without further ado… it’s more free advice! oh margo!
DEAR [KENDRA]: We are Catholic, but about eight years ago, my mother decided she was a Wiccan. I have tried very hard to accept it, but I cannot.
I find it humiliating for people to know because it’s embarrassing. She does, however, respect my need for it to be kept quiet.
The major issue is that I am pregnant and engaged to be married. My fiance is from Costa Rica, and his family is VERY religious, and in our religion, Wicca is the same as devil worship. I have not told my fiance because I am afraid of what his reaction would be.
For years my mother tried to educate me about her religion and persuade me to convert. I had to kindly, but forcefully, tell her to stop. My little sister is very confused (she is 5, I am 23) as she cannot differentiate between being magical and riding brooms, and real life.
I do respect my mother’s choice to be Wiccan, but I don’t want it in my life, and I don’t want my future in-laws to find out. I feel like I am denouncing a part of her, and I feel guilty for that.
Plus, my stepfather likes to make comments about it that make me very uncomfortable, and he usually makes these comments in front of my fiance, to put me on the spot and force me to tell him the truth.
PLEASE HELP!!!!
— GUILTY IN NEW JERSEY
dear ginj,
i have a question for you. if you and your fiance/baby daddy are such devout catholics that you find your mom’s wiccan beliefs to be tantamount to satanism, then why aren’t you already married to your baby daddy? i thought such devout catholics were supposed to wait until marriage to have sex and make babies. it smacks of hypocrisy, which is never pleasant. so get off your high horse.
now that you’re down on the same level as most of humanity, your problem is less about wicca vs. catholicism, and more about your family embarrassing you and not wanting to weird out/offend your baby daddy’s family. ahh, that’s family though. you don’t really need to be so dramatic as to officially denounce your mom and lil’ sis, but you don’t need to run screaming to your in-laws about it. your mom knows you don’t like it, and hopefully she’ll respect that. your baby daddy knows you’re as devout a catholic as he is, and he should respect that. does his family need to know about the brooms and stuff? no, unless you’re a drama queen looking for action.
basically, don’t let the wicca ruin your relationship with your family, and let them respectfully know when you think it’s too much. be honest with baby daddy, and if he loves you he’ll support you.
i hope this helps.
DEAR [KENDRA]: My close friends and I know everything about one another. We share intimate details and embarrassing moments, as friends do.
However, one of our friends, a man in his early 20s, leaves part of his life a mystery. We don’t hear about his love life, or even exes (he had one or two girlfriends in high school, but hasn’t dated since). When romance is brought up, the subject is changed.
He is flirtatious with both men and women, and we are all going crazy wondering — IS HE GAY OR WHAT? We all want to ask but know that he will freak out if we aren’t tactful. How do we go about facilitating that kind of conversation without overstepping boundaries?
— NO NAME HERE, PLEASE
dear nnhp,
ooh, get you catty lot! some people don’t feel the need to talk about everything with everybody, which i think is a totally respectable position. if you friend doesn’t want to talk about making out with guys or girls, then bully for him. it’s his right. stop worrying about it.
my grandmother use to say something to the effect of “it’s none of my business unless i’m involved.” basically, unless your friend tries making out with you, stop freaking about it. not everybody can be so open with their dirty laundry. gott sei dank!
stop being such a gossip!
i hope this helps.
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