i’m starting a new feature here on this lil blog, it’s called free advice where i pilfer letters written into other advice collumnists, and then offer my own advice free of charge. it seems like a good friday sort of thing.

this weeks letters are from dear abby- 12 august 2005:

DEAR [KENDRA]: A few years ago, I lost a treasured stuffed animal from my childhood. I told my husband about it, and how sad it made me.

Being the caring, thoughtful person he is, he went on eBay to see if he could find one like it. He thought he had located it, but wanted to be absolutely sure, so he sent my mom the link. She informed him it wasn’t the same bear and convinced him not to buy it, but still he told me about it.

The next time we went to visit my mother, she said she had a “surprise” for me. As we were packing to go home, she presented the surprise: The same teddy bear my husband had shown her. He was very upset, but did not confront her.

My husband has also mentioned that he feels my mother doesn’t like him. Would it be OK to ask her why she bought the bear after talking him out of it? If so, how would you suggest mentioning it without sounding accusatory? — UPSET IN COLUMBUS, OHIO

dear upset,

first off, don’t be upset- you got the teddy bear! your husband seems like a nice enough fellow and your mom sounds like a bitch. is that what you wanted to hear? there’s no way to confront your mom without upsetting her because obviously she is controlling and manipulative (these people don’t like confrontation, believe me). if you and your husband were more mature, you would write off you bitch of a mother as a bad person and leave it. since you feel the need to talk to her about it (perhaps to make yourself feel like a better person than her? don’t worry, you were until you wrote in to complain about her), go for it. understand that she won’t take it well and she probably won’t appologize.

i hope this helps.

DEAR [KENDRA]: I am 10 and go to an elementary school where there is zero tolerance for bullying, teasing, fighting, etc. I have extremely low vision and have to wear glasses, but nobody made fun of me. (I’m the only one in class who wears glasses.)

A friend of my mom’s son is starting first grade this coming year. His vision is lower than mine, and he has to wear very thick glasses. They are so thick the other kids might consider him a “nerd.”

How can I comfort him? He is already sad. Do you think the kids will make fun of him? — KID WITH GLASSES IN MISSOURI

dear kid,

you seem nice. the boy might be teased, which is a sad part of childhood, but it happens. going to school sucks enough as it is, and kids who tease and are bullies usually do it to mask their own inadequacies. don’t worry about something that hasn’t happened yet, but help him prepare to take care of himself if something occurs. you can’t reason with bullies, but you can ignore them or make them look stupid.

i hope this helps.

DEAR [KENDRA]: My neighbor, who has been divorced for about a year and a half, has a day job. Her ex-husband is unemployed and lives just down the street. While my neighbor is at work and her two teenage sons are away, her ex goes into her house, sometimes for an hour or more. (He has access to their children’s house keys.) At certain times of the month, I see him digging through her trash can at the end of the driveway.

I am sure she has no idea of what is going on at her house while she is at work. Knowing his bad behavior in the past, should I let my neighbor know what her ex-husband is doing? — DILEMMA IN NORTHEAST TEXAS

dear dilemma,

you should call the cops on his ass. she’ll find out, he’ll get in trouble, and you’ll get a free show.

i hope this helps.