hello, little neglected blog. i figured out why i’m neglecting you… it’s me, not you. i’m trying to not be such a shut in, which means i’m not tied to the laptop so much.

see, i’ve decided i need to not only get out more, but be less concerned with with what other think of me and just do stuff. it’s obvious advice, right? the sort of thing that when somebody tells you when you say, “oh, relax and just be yourself” or “everybody’s so worried about themselves, why should you be?” and of course when somebody says that you just roll your eyes and keep stressing about yourself? well… i’m trying to stop doing that. it’s been a slow process because change is hard and i don’t want to do too much and then retreat back into my cave.

so what’s happened?

graduating from school has been great. not having to worry about assignments or class participation has created a lot of free time. this wasn’t really noticeable until mid-march because of work stuff, but really, it’s nice having evenings and weekends free-ish. i’m not as stressed as i was last year.

i have my health. it’s always weird when people ask me “how’s your health?” it’s a loaded question. what they’re really asking is “you don’t have cancer or some other life threatening disease, do you?” well, the answer is i feel good! yeah i’m out of shape, but i’m not as tired all the time. the most obnoxious thing is still being weak from the mastectomy, but that’s just something that i have to deal with for the rest of my life. but i feel dandy.

so these two things have made it easier for me to just go out and do stuff. or try things. i’m knitting again. i’m actually reading books. and today i started playing soccer. see, it’s progress.

overall, i feel like i know what i’m doing. not in a huge sense with a grand plan, but i’m trying.